The Heaviest Weight

I used to think that the heaviest weight was the pressure of "success" doing well at school, career, family.  Then I found myself expecting a wonderful miracle and thought "Oh, the heaviest weight is trying to do things "right" for this child so that I will not mess him/her up really badly."  That weight continued and multiplied with each child, added to the weight of "success" and "marriage", it is just amazing that my back wasn't crushed into "smithereens" (one of our second son's favorite childhood words).  Then you divide your time and energy between how you look/feel/handle stress, etc., subtract any sense of completion and you have the perfect equation for a screaming woman.

And that was life.  For far too long.  I knew I was supposed to remember and believe "..my yoke is easy and my burden is light", I knew I was not to "worry about tomorrow" and to trust the One who counts the numbers of hair on our heads.  I knew lots of scripture, and good advice, and knowledge which came with experience.  Over and over others would remind me what I knew myself - this was not the way life for a Christian was supposed to be.  So another day, another good ole college try, another frustrating look back over the hours.  Truly I loved my Lord and Savior.  Truly I loved my family even when sometimes I didn't especially like them (or them like me).  But there were two problems entangling and strangling me.  First, I thought I knew what love was but had no idea what true agape love looked like.  As I heard recently it was "sloppy agape", not really consistent, not even truly loving for the full benefit of the recipient instead of me.  Secondly, I still had a really, really heavy burden.  It is worse than kryptonite for Superman but it is the most real, most binding burden.  No, it's not sin.  That's the second heaviest.  It is only four little English letters long but it is so heavy, so saturating that there is no hope for us to ever rid ourselves of the weight.  S - E - L - F.  period.  That is the heaviest weight, and that is the one that we don't have to carry.  Turning myself over to the one whose "yoke is easy" is the most wonderful choice, the most freeing choice.  Unfortunately, it is a daily choice and sometimes I still forget and take that weight back on my feeble back.  Will you remind me?  Will we remind each other?  His yoke is truly, honestly, lovingly, a relief and very light.  It's our own selfish burden that is heavy.  Remind me, and I will remind you.  Together we can dance, maybe even fly we will be so light!