It's Hard

It's so hard, O Lord.
So hard not to get discouraged.
So hard not to despair.
So hard to keep my eyes and heart and thoughts fixed on you instead of the hurt, pain and chaos.
So very hard to not wallow in despair when those I love so dearly, have poured my very being into them, are so viciously opposed to the beauty and glory of Your soothing love and mercy.
It's hard not to drown in the guilt of my own selfish failures that feed their lack of understanding of Your perfect forgiveness and grace. It's hard.
And discouraging.
And heart rending, heart breaking, tear filled sorrow at the lack of our love for the Lover of our souls.
Hear our cries , Oh Comforter of sorrows.
Hear our groans oh Healer of bone-deep pains.
Grant us peace, oh Giver of Perfect peace.
Forgive our grievous wickedness and prideful ego.
Hear us, O Lover of our spirit, as we cry, nay, scream out to you in utter despair as the huge ocean of tears for our family, our children, our selves, our nation drown us as we recognize how very, very far we are from Your Holy and perfect will and desires for us to become Your obedient and faithful children.
Oh Lord God how we need you, how we long for Your presence;
how my very marrow of soul aches for Your touch in our lives.
Grant us Your mercy, O Lord, for Your own worthy honor and glory.
For Your own praise. Hear my ache, O Lord Jesus.  

“Lord,

with my Jacob,” I would pray,

“wrestle till the break of Day”;

till he, knowing who Thou art,

tho’ asked, will not let Thee depart;

saying, “I’ll not let Thee free

saving Thou wilt first bless me;”

O God of Jacob, who knew how

to change supplanters then, so now

deal, I pray, with this my son,

though he may limp when Thou art

done.

Ruth Bell Graham, from “Prodigals and Those Who Love Them”

Based on Genesis 32:24–31