Behind the Walls Lies Freedom

Today the men finished up Kairos #3 Prison Ministry event at Nash Correctional.  As always, we find the ending to a Kairos weekend joyous, overwhelming and leaving us invigoratingly exhausted.  Yes, that's an oxymoron at the surface but is a most apt description when you understand, or better yet, personally experience, the fact that when you truly seek God's will in your life He can give you a strength and joy beyond anything else you will ever do, no matter how much time or effort is or is not put into it.   Reach out - here's a sample - taste and see what I mean.

At the beginning of the event, the volunteers, who have completed 4-6 full days of training and preparation before going in, meet at a local church to finalize preparations and review Rule and Regulations of the Institution.  Every word, action, movement, even down to a cough or laugh or needing to take a bathroom break is all critiqued by the officers and residents of the Institution.  Then going through security, sometimes being questioned about the shoes or eyeglasses you are wearing, passing through scanners, lining up behind an armed guard, being escorted through multiple gates, fences and doors - think this creates a bit of stress on the volunteer?  Oh, yes.

Then you meet the residents - men of every age, race, background imaginable.  And they are watching and listening to you.  Pressure?  Oh, yes.   Then you take your turn at speaking, leading chapel, praying, interacting with the men at your table, trying desperately to listen, really, truly listen with all of your heart and mind, to what they are sharing with you.  Much of what they share is highly emotional, deeper wounds than any physical surgery imaginable.  Some of it is almost - or truly - horrifying.  But you need to not only listen with your ears and heart but truly, honestly listen with the love that Christ has for these men (and all of us).  Exhausting?  Yes again.

You get home about 9pm but needing to "unwind" from the intensity.  The next morning you rise about 5am, drive to the facility and repeat.  Then the next day and the final day. 

So why go through all of this?  Because when God has called you to be His instrument, He is your source of strength.  HE is your source of love for these men.  He is your Creator who pours out His grace and mercy to you as well as to the men searching for this truth.


Nash #3 was no different from other Kairos events in those general ways.  And yet, like all of God's creations, it had its own beauty, it was its own unique masterpiece of showing God's love.  Comments from the participants ranged from simply, "This has been an encouraging time to me that will help me in my walk with Christ for years to come" to "Tonight I will pray to let Christ rule my life.  My family and former colleagues (fellow residents practicing a pagan religion) will be very upset with me and may give me a hard time, but I will put my trust in Christ."  One man shared privately earlier in the weekend that within the same walls as him was a man who had once assaulted and came very close to killing him in another institution.  Both men are now totally changed - forgiven and forgiver - brothers in Christ.  If these men can truly forgive and love each other through the Holy Spirit's help and in obedience to Christ's commands to forgive, what pettiness is it that I think I need to hold on to?!  If a man who has been feared dreadfully in almost a dozen different institutions can now look at you and tell you that through Christ he truly loves all of mankind, who is beyond me loving?!  Yes, by the end of the weekend, you are physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted.  You are challenged and stretched to realize how very petty and self-centered you can be.  But, oh, how wonderfully invigorated to know that you allowed yourself, even as poor and weak as you are, to be a part of a great work by a Great Redeeming God! 

If I Could Save Time in a Bottle.....

Monday morning we got word that another cousin had committed suicide.  He was very young, early 20s, and seemed to have "everything" going for him - good job, stable family, nice girlfriend, new car....everything a young 20s American Male could want, right?  Did anyone on Sunday morning know that before midnight that night that young man would be coming face-to-face with eternity?  Of course not.  In fact, they are now saying it might not have been suicide, but an accident.  The family is still in shock and cannot process what has happened.  It will be a long time before the reality of it sinks it for anyone.  Just as we began the day normally May 8, 2008, not having any idea that by 10pm our sweet 18 year-old niece would be a victim of an accident and all our lives would be forever changed, marking her birthdays and holidays with a very vibrant piece of the family fabric torn away.

So why am I sharing all this on a blog?  To depress you?  No, quite the opposite.  To warn you, give you a reason for joy and laughter today and a hope for tomorrow.  Each day, each minute, is a gift from God.  He seems to be trying to teach me this over and over lately.  Just as I have been convicted of poor stewardship of money, and not using it always for HIS Kingdom, I am now convicted of my poor stewardship of time.  No one knows how many days, weeks, years, or minutes we have left on earth.  Yes, there are some that know they are quite close to death because of age or health, but we often forget that each of us is only one breath away from judgment - and eternal joy or eternal pain.  We don't like to talk about it because we don't like to admit the reality of it.

So, how do I use my time - whatever it might be - in a responsible, "stewardship" way and not in selfish pursuits?  Many of us have convinced ourselves that days spent caring for others is a good use of time.  But is it the best use?  What I mean is, are you doing it for self righteous reasons or to further God's Kingdom?  Are you begrudgingly caring for your children, parents, in-laws, neighbors, friends, or is it out of joy and love from Christ flowing through you?  I am not asking you in condemnation, but rather in conviction of how far short I am of doing this on a daily basis.  This week I spent pretty much of my time "serving" others - cooking, laundry, cleaning, babysitting, teaching school, grading papers, sitting in doctor's offices, driving people around, etc.  But honestly I have been a true and faithful and loving servant very little of that time.  Most of it was done from routine, obligation, habit, etc., telling myself that it was singing praise for God's glory and Kingdom, but my attitude, and lack of grasping opportunities to interact and share love and hope with even strangers as well as my own, plays a different tune.  The things I spent time on were worthy things, things that can or could have glorified God, but I must always make sure that they are done for the right motive and with the right attitude.  That requires continuous submission to the my Savior, continuous, deliberate willingness to go and do not only WHAT He calls me to do, but harder still, HOW He calls me to do it - in pure, unselfish, His-righteousness-only kind of love. 

On Monday we received our copy of a book entitled "More Than "I" Can Handle"  by a sweet Christian "sistah" of mine (love being called that and calling her that!) who has been challenged by the Lord in many ways to turn ALL of her life - body, soul, finances, spirit and TIME - over to the Lord and HIS work.  I laughed and cried with her as she recounted the journey their family has made to date, the struggles and joys of following the Lord's plan no matter how "crazy" others may see it (don't you know Noah was mocked and called "crazy" as he spent his time hand-building an ark the size of a small stadium?!).  Read her story and be blessed - and convicted - by how she, Jerry and their family spend their time and energy.  I was reminded again of why God calls us to love on the fatherless, the widow, the poor and downtrodden.  This requires a love that we know cannot be for self, cannot be because we expect "repayment" from them. 

Today - right this minute - I will once again turn my time over to the Lord.  I will ask HIM to keep me conscious of this precious treasure we call time.  We might not be able to save it in a bottle, we might not know if this is our last day on earth, or the last day for a loved one or the stranger we meet in the store, but we can certainly spend every precious drop of time for eternity instead of on worldly, selfish pursuits. 

"For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?"  Mark 8:36